Simple Yet Complicated

if you talk about experiences in life, i would say i have had a deal with them. name it, academics, extra-curricular activities, family, friends, spiritual life, love life, and just about anything in life. my life is really a wheel — i experienced being up there, i experienced being crushed at the bottom. yup. i did… but see, i’m back!.. and that’s all that matters.

it’s not really about what you are, your achievements, nor your position in society.  i experienced being on top of my classes, received honors, awards, scholarship, etc. but did they all make me happy? of course, they did. i would be such a hypocrite if i say they didn’t. but life is not all about happiness. it’s about joy. joy is different from happiness. happiness is external, while joy is internal. when trouble comes, you can’t say you’re happy… but you can say that amidst all the troubles and the challenges life can bring, you can still be joyful… and you can only say that when you walk with our Creator. who else?.. GOD..

i also experienced failure. from the top, i fell right at the bottom. it was really hard — i can say it was the darkest moment of my life. it was at that moment that i blamed people around me. but that was MY mistake. there was no one to blame but ME. i am in-charge of my own actions, and each action has its own reaction. due to my recklessness, i suffered the most painful consequences. i let my parents down, i let everyone who trusted me so much down… and most of all, i let myself down… and in letting myself down, i let God down. He created me to prosper. He gave me so much gifts, but i misused them. but hey, good thing there are people around to guide me. one of them is papa. i just admire his strong faith in God that i started to listen to him. i started to read what he asks me to read. and there! to make the story short, after all the downfall, i realized that there is so much in life to be joyful for — it’s the joy of being alive, being given a chance to live another day to correct my mistakes, to worship God, to be thankful for all the gifts… it’s the joy of having so much love, from family, friends, loved ones, and most especially from the Man up above. that’s why i’d rather have joy than just have happiness in my life. yup, everyone can be happy. but it takes so much to learn, to experience joy in our lives.

back when i was a reviewee, i offered everything to Him. i just know that He’s with me. you know what, i didn’t get here because of my wit, intelligence, nor knowledge. i got here because of our dear Lord — because of His faithfulness, His love, and His care for me. i am now a cpa, and i thank God for that! all the congratulations i received should be given to Him. i am nothing without Him. so Lord God, the glory all be yours!

life’s not about what you are in the world, what you can do, etc. it’s about who you are, whom your with, whom you’ve helped, whom you’ve touched… it’s about the person you are to God, not to anybody else’s perspective.

to all my friends who have always been there, maybe not always physically, i thank you very much. thank you for calling me up to know if i’m ok. thank you for visiting me to see if i’m doing fine.. and i very much thank you for always being there to catch me every time i fall. truly, all of you are God’s gifts to me. He knows i needed some people like you to survive, and indeed you were there.. you were all there.. you are all blessings in my life. i just wish, hope and pray, that i am also a blessing to all of you.

i just wanted to dedicate this to all my friends. it is the chorus from the song UMBRELLA:

“When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I’ll be here forever
Said I’ll always be a friend
Took an oath I’ma stick it out till the end
Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)”

mao ra pod to xa. God bless you all! *hugz*

thank you so much dear Lord! you have blessed me and my family… i couldn’t ask for more… you have always been there, you have always been faithful. i just hope and pray that i will always serve and acknowledge you all the days of my life… thank you jud Lord! =) yours be the glory forever. *hugz*

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going! sounds like a cliche, but it’s not.

i know all of us encounter problems once in a while. sometimes, we think it’s too difficult to survive just a day bearing such burdens with us. i, myself, have been in such situation. i felt like i was alone, in solitude, burdened with heavy crosses that only i have to bear. but then i realized how powerful and magnificent our creator is. He is willing to help us in every burden we are carrying. He did not promise us a life with no crosses, but He assured us that if we just cast our burdens upon Him, He would help us carry them. so i did… and God, i am so thankful for giving me peace. i am not saying that my problems disappeard in a click of a second. but i found peace. i gathered enough strength to face them and yeah… it was not such a burden like before. it’s a “cross” i have to bear, and i know, one day, bearing this cross will be worth it. i know God has His reasons. someday, i know… instead of bearing a cross, i would carry with me a “flower”.

thank you so much lord for giving me strength and for blessing me with people who dearly love me. thank you so much. to the people who are always there for me, you know who you all are. thank you.

so? i know the road ahead me is getting tough. but i’m tough myself! and i will get going! to God be the glory!

TO HIM (Rodney)

By: My

He took away the blunt innocence I own

In a sweet and magnificent way I have ever known

He captured me in his arms and made me feel so complete

An emotion, a sensation so concrete

To him, who showed me the greatness of love

I give to him everything I have

My heart, my mind, my body, my soul, my all

For me, it would never be such a toll

He is my light when everything around is like a shadow

He has the power to take away my sorrow

With him, life is never numb

I could confront all the challenges that might come

There are no words to accurately convey this feeling

No song, no prose, no poem, not even this, could elucidate the meaning

All I can comprehend is that life is intact

No hole, no stain, no crack

Yes! His love and care is all mine

Our body and soul, so tightly entwined

With all this passion, all I could say to him is “I love you”

But I very much love him, more than anyone could do

THE ONE

By: Me

It’s getting dark and cold outside

The rain is pouring on the rooftop

Seems to me I could never hide

From this feeling that just would never stop

Like the rain, sometimes it could pour so hard

Thoughts of you just keep coming on my mind

My heart, my soul just can’t take it

I can’t run away from you

You are the one, the one I need to hold

The one my soul hungers

The one my heart longs

You are the one, this feeling can’t be wrong

Please come back to me, come home to me

Yeah, yeah

I watch the stars up in the sky

Wondering if you’re sleeping alright

I just wish that I could fly

To reach the stars even just for tonight

Like the stars, I wish that I could reach you

You’re so far, and I’m aching to feel you

Having you close, having you near, seeing you smile

I just wish that you were here

You are the one, the one I need to hold

The one my soul hungers

The one my heart longs

You are the one, this feeling can’t be wrong

Please come back to me, come home to me

Yeah, yeah

So what I do, I just close my eyes

And think of you

The way that you smile

Everything can turn out right

You are the one, the one I need to hold

The one my soul hungers

The one my heart longs

You are the one, this feeling can’t be wrong

Please come back to me, come home to me

Yeah, yeah

aaahhhh… i just love listening to this song. it relaxes my mind. it reminds me of beautiful moments. it simply takes me to a place i call “paradise island.” hehehe. let’s exaggerate a bit, ok? but really, you’ve got to listen to this song. its lyrics can really take you to a holiday, and its music can bring you to the beach — where the water is clear, the sand is white, the palm trees are tall…whew! my imagination. hehehe. and yeah, it can remind you of your hubby — your moments together, the “lambing”…ouuyyyy…. haha! enough of this. now here’s the song i wanted to share to you all:

Island in the Sun (by Weezer)

Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip

When you’re on a holiday
You can’t find the words to say
All the things that come to you
And I wanna feel it too

On an island in the sun
We’ll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can’t control my brain

Hip hip
Hip hip

When you’re on a golden sea
You don’t need no memory
Just a place to call your own
As we drift into the zone

On an island in the sun
We’ll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can’t control my brain

We’ll run away together
We’ll spend some time forever
We’ll never feel bad anymore

Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip

On an island in the sun
We’ll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can’t control my brain

We’ll run away together
We’ll spend some time forever
We’ll never feel bad anymore

Hip hip

We’ll never feel bad anymore
No no
We’ll never feel bad anymore
No no
No no
No no

it’s more or less 9 hours to go
before the start of a new year. and what are your new year’s resolutions? me?
i’m still thinking if i’m gonna have one, two, three… or zero. hehehe. i
mean, new year resolutions are good. they enable you to assess yourself and
change for the better. but why do we have to make resolutions on new years? why
can’t we just make resolutions when necessary? we don’t have to wait for a new
year to come, right?

resolutions in our life are part of growing up. we don’t just make them when a
new year comes, we need to make them when we find that something is not right
in us — like an attitude or characteristic that can ruin our lives or other
people’s lives.

new year resolutions are not really necessary. you don’t have to make one on a
new year’s eve. but what we need is to constantly evaluate ourselves. then we
make resolutions (not necessarily on a new year) to become a better person.

God bless us all!

paranoia leads you to create a problem that
shouldn’t have existed in the first place. it leads you to hurt yourself for no
valid reason at all.

this is what triggered me to write my previous
blog entitled “a disturbing feeling.” i was so engrossed of thinking
all the negative things that could possibly happen. it even led me to hurt
myself — not physically but emotionally.

we just have to learn that not all people cannot
be trusted. some of them can be. some of them are worth our trust and even
worth our heart. we must always remember that the man up above would never
leave us to fall. we just have to trust Him.

it’s good to think positive. i’m not saying that
we become insensitive to bad signs. i’m just emphasizing the fact that too much
paranoia is awful. no one could be blamed for the suffering caused by being
paranoid but ourselves.

stay calm. think good. trust God.

God bless!

i just have so many questions in my mind right
now. i don’t even know where to start. i wonder if what i’m feeling right now
is even right. is it even justifiable? i mean, do i have the right to question
things? events? whatsoever?… gosh, i’m even using the word “right”
repeatedly. what is wrong with me? or is it really me? is something wrong with
me? maybe it’s not me. maybe the problem lies on the people i put so much
trust.

there’s nothing wrong with trusting somebody so
much, right? i mean, one should give a person a chance to prove his
trustworthiness. but what if you feel like he’s not worth it? should you still
continue to give him a chance?

anyway, this blog is not everything about trust.
i just wanna let it out! i just wanna let what’s eating me up this past few
hours out! i’ve been trying to contact a friend. but it seems to me, he/she is
out of reach. i wonder if he/she’s ok. i don’t know. i even wonder if i should
be worried about his/her welfare. is it his/her welfare i should be worried
about? or is it something else?

goodness! i just don’t like the state i’m in to
right at this very hour. i feel clueless!?! this feeling disturbs me. it sucks.