Simple Yet Complicated

There is a point in your life when you have everything you have, including the man of your dreams, yet you still long for something more.This happened to me before.I did not choose to feel that way, but I did.That time, my dreams were starting to come into reality right before my very eyes.My career was heading on the right direction, I had a boyfriend who loved me so much, I had friends who were very supportive, and to top it all, I had the most loving family ever!Thank God for all that.But then, I started to feel discontented.As they say, men are insatiable.I question a lot of things.Because I had everything, I forgot to stop for awhile and see that each and everything I had was worth treasuring, worth taking care of.I even forgot that I was such a blessed person to experience all that.That time, I took for granted the love of my life.I took for granted the person who had been there for me and had given all his love for me – my then boyfriend.I did not very well consider his feelings.I thought I could just push him away and forget everything we have been through.I noted all his flaws, his faults, and that gave me all the reason to push him away more.Much to my surprise, I even loved someone else – my friend.I started to shift my feelings from my boyfriend to my friend.It was then that my life started to get so complicated.

I still kept my boyfriend.I did not enter into a relationship with my friend, not until I settle everything with my boyfriend.Every time I told him it’s over between us, he still persisted that it was not such a good idea to end something so beautiful.He was always trying to convince me that what we had was true and we could never find anything like it.I was in Metro Manila that time, and he was in Bohol.Maybe the distance made it even worse.I frequently told him how unhappy I was and always compared him to my friend.I knew it was so harsh for me to do that, but I did it just to hurt him.I was so inhumane for doing such.But all I considered that time was me, me and me.All he did was say he was hurt.He still even had the guts to tell me he loved me still.That made everything more difficult.There was my friend, offering something new, and there was my boyfriend, trying hard to keep the old.I was confused.But then, I went home to Dumaguete.My boyfriend from Bohol traveled immediately to Dumaguete to see me.We talked.I thought things over and realized that the love I already had was worth keeping.I saw it in my boyfriend’s eyes.He was genuine.He was full of love.He even crossed the sea just to see me.That was when I told my friend everything.I apologized for hurting him.But I can’t throw away a love that was so true.I admitted to him that I still love my boyfriend – after all these years.He let me go.He understood.

So then, I went back to Metro Manila for my work, and my boyfriend went home to Bohol.We started to patch things up.Just when I thought everything was doing fine, everything I did back fired. My boyfriend’s ex came home to Bohol.At first, he did not tell me about it.I just found out through my instincts and then he admitted.There were changes – he did not send me messages frequently as he used to, he didn’t reply to my messages sometimes, etc.There was a point when he did not want me to contact him.Either he turned off his cell phone, or just let it rang and rang until I got tired of waiting.One night when we talked, he told me he was confused.It was that conversation that made me regret everything I did for him – like choosing him over my friend.But it was also that conversation that made me realize I loved him so much, and that losing him was a part I could never imagine.I cried and cried for many nights, until I finally got over myself and encouraged my heart to accept things, let go, and move on.I prayed to God for strength.So one night, I sent him a message saying he was free and I totally understand.If he really loved his ex, then he should be with her.He replied to me, thanking me for understanding him.I no longer replied, I just cried and realized I really had to work hard on moving on.

I started to get really along well with my friend.He helped me got through everything.Eventually, my feelings for him came back.But I told him it was not easy to forget my boyfriend.He understood perfectly and just offered his love and sacrifice.He even gave me some surprises – things or actions I did not experience with my (ex)boyfriend.Just when I thought that I was starting to move on, my (ex)boyfriend called.He asked me to call him – which I did immediately.He was with her when we talked.I felt so hurt.When he asked me if I was doing fine, I told him yes.I even blurted out that I have a new boyfriend (my friend), the one I told him about before.Much even worse, he congratulated me!And that was it.The call ended.Later that afternoon, my cell phone rang.It was my (ex)boyfriend again.He was crying and I didn’t understand why!I asked him.I thought the girl did something to hurt him.But no.He told me he was hurt when he knew I was going out with someone new.He even asked me why didn’t I wait for him.He was just confused.I was so angry that I told him I was not stupid enough to wait for nothing.But then, something he said hit me right through my heart.He told me that I kept on pushing him away before and that his ex came and offered exactly the opposite attention I gave him, that’s why he got confused.And that time, all he did was cry and cry.I could not even continue the call and just asked my girl condo mate to talk to him.He was in tears, I was in tears.We were both crying for the actions we both made.We both made that decision.And it was quite late for both of us to get back together – we were both committed to other people.

To make the story short, we got back together.It was a complicated reunion.It was not something to pride about, but we were still attached to our respective boyfriend and girlfriend when that happened.We both decided to end our respective commitments to the other parties involved and start something new.It was a difficult step in our lives.I admit, I had a difficult time forgetting everything that happened.I reached to a point where I had second thoughts on giving us another chance.But then, my old boyfriend was back.He was determined to make everything work.He was determined for our lost love to be renewed.I saw the effort and prayed to God for help.I had my share of mistakes in our relationship.So I had to prove my love again.We both had to work things out.

Now, I don’t regret getting back with him.He’s no longer my boyfriend.He is now my husband.And I love him so much!I would never trade him for anybody in this world. He was the love of my life, and he still is the love of my life.I would never make the same mistake on pushing him away as I did before.My husband is now a part of me.And I would be a good and loving wife to him.I care for him dearly.As what we always say to each other, our love will last always and forever.God be with us.

Note to my husband: I am sorry for the past hurts.And if ever I say or do things that hurt you, please do not hesitate to call my attention.You know that I love you and I care for you so much.When I lost you, it was the hardest time in my life.Now that you are with me, I promise to never lose you again.Thank you for your love and devotion.Thank you for your patience.Thank you for your understanding.And most of all, thank you for loving me unconditionally and for making me feel more and more beautiful each day – even during my pregnancy.You are truly God’s gift for me. *mwah*

Note to the people reading this: Never take anyone for granted.Be always thankful to God for what you have.Learn to treasure the people around you.And before you do things which you are unsure of, make sure you have thought about it a thousand times.Remember, true love comes once in a lifetime.Don’t waste it.