Simple Yet Complicated

I’m sitting here in the office and I just can’t wait to go home.  I yearn to be just sitting on the sofa, watching TV and spending some time with my husband.  I miss relaxing these days.  The past few weeks have been a bit hectic for me, not to mention this week!  Yup, I would have to accomplish a lot of things inside and outside work.  But I know all the hard work would pay.  This would end soon, and I’d have time to just curl up in my bed and do nothing all day.  I would just have to wait for this week to end!

Truly as they say, “When it rains, it pours.”  I don’t mean to be ungrateful.  In fact I am!I thank God for all the blessings he has showered upon me – for the opportunities he has opened for me, especially in my career.  Aside from the fact that my husband and I are having a baby soon, God has also been great to open new doors for my career.  But the thing is, I’m torn and I don’t know which decision to make.  One door offers me a very wide array of professional experience, which includes being migrated abroad and meeting people of different cultures.  Not to mention, it would enhance my profession as a Certified Public Accountant and also develop my business dealing skills.  Not only would I practice my profession, it would also allow me to see the broader side of managing people and a business.  But this door would also keep me from seeing my baby every day.  It would require me to live far from the province and maybe just go home once, twice, or thrice every two months. That is not even an assurance if I could go home that often.  Now that is difficult, especially if it would mean being far from my family – especially from my first baby.  The other door also presents an enticing opportunity.  Just as the other door, it also offers me to practice my profession in its truest sense, yet not much on migrating abroad and dealing with different cultures.  It does offer the opportunity, but not like the first door.  But this door would enable me to be with my family and permit me to take care of my baby.  It would enable me to be with my child and be a mother in the fullest logic of being one.

That is my dilemma now.  Which door should I pick?  I know God has planned all these for me.  All I have to do is pick the right way to the road he has prepared for me.  May he grant me wisdom, especially in my current circumstance.

Dear God, please grant me wisdom in choosing what’s best, not just for me, but also for my family.  I offer everything to you.  Thank you so much!

1. Your cheeks.  I just love to kiss them again and again!  They’re soft and mushy.  I feel like I’m kissing a baby!

2. Your eyebrows.  Until now, I can’t help but find them so cute and adorable, especially the way they meet at the middle when the green eyed monster calls.  Hehe.

3. Your eyes.  They’re beautiful.  Through them, I can see your love and sincerity.

4. Your tummy.  Oh how I love to punch it and kiss it!  It’s an asset which you think you should get rid of.  But hey, I find it cute!

5. Your arms.  They always give me comfort, even if I didn’t ask for it.  They’re always there to give me support.  I love how you use them to embrace and hug me, especially when I sleep.

6. Your hair.  I love to run my fingers through them during your sleep.  It gives me the feeling of taking care of you - how I love to take good care of you!

7. Your smile.  Somehow, you need not say anything.  You’re smile just makes me smile as well.

8. Your reaction when I get mad.  You have a way of hindering me from punching you right through your face!  Hehe.  Honestly, you just have a way of calming me down.

9. Your habit.  You just can’t seem to stop from drumming and tapping.  Even without the drums, you always find time to drum and tap - which I enjoy watching and listening.

10. Last but not the least, your love.  It’s so unconditional.  You always remind me that it’s true, even if you don’t need to.  For all the hurts I’ve caused you, you just gave me this in return - your love.

Thank you so much for everything! (”,)

*This song is playing in my head right now.

___________

Wake Me up When September Ends

By Green Day

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Like my father’s come to pass

Seven years has gone so fast

Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again

Falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again

Becoming who we are

As my memory rests

But never forgets what I lost

Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again

Like we did when spring began

Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again

Falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again

Becoming who we are

As my memory rests

But never forgets what I lost

Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Like my father’s come to pass

Twenty years has gone so fast

Wake me up when September ends

Wake me up when September ends

Wake me up when September ends

There is a point in your life when you have everything you have, including the man of your dreams, yet you still long for something more.This happened to me before.I did not choose to feel that way, but I did.That time, my dreams were starting to come into reality right before my very eyes.My career was heading on the right direction, I had a boyfriend who loved me so much, I had friends who were very supportive, and to top it all, I had the most loving family ever!Thank God for all that.But then, I started to feel discontented.As they say, men are insatiable.I question a lot of things.Because I had everything, I forgot to stop for awhile and see that each and everything I had was worth treasuring, worth taking care of.I even forgot that I was such a blessed person to experience all that.That time, I took for granted the love of my life.I took for granted the person who had been there for me and had given all his love for me – my then boyfriend.I did not very well consider his feelings.I thought I could just push him away and forget everything we have been through.I noted all his flaws, his faults, and that gave me all the reason to push him away more.Much to my surprise, I even loved someone else – my friend.I started to shift my feelings from my boyfriend to my friend.It was then that my life started to get so complicated.

I still kept my boyfriend.I did not enter into a relationship with my friend, not until I settle everything with my boyfriend.Every time I told him it’s over between us, he still persisted that it was not such a good idea to end something so beautiful.He was always trying to convince me that what we had was true and we could never find anything like it.I was in Metro Manila that time, and he was in Bohol.Maybe the distance made it even worse.I frequently told him how unhappy I was and always compared him to my friend.I knew it was so harsh for me to do that, but I did it just to hurt him.I was so inhumane for doing such.But all I considered that time was me, me and me.All he did was say he was hurt.He still even had the guts to tell me he loved me still.That made everything more difficult.There was my friend, offering something new, and there was my boyfriend, trying hard to keep the old.I was confused.But then, I went home to Dumaguete.My boyfriend from Bohol traveled immediately to Dumaguete to see me.We talked.I thought things over and realized that the love I already had was worth keeping.I saw it in my boyfriend’s eyes.He was genuine.He was full of love.He even crossed the sea just to see me.That was when I told my friend everything.I apologized for hurting him.But I can’t throw away a love that was so true.I admitted to him that I still love my boyfriend – after all these years.He let me go.He understood.

So then, I went back to Metro Manila for my work, and my boyfriend went home to Bohol.We started to patch things up.Just when I thought everything was doing fine, everything I did back fired. My boyfriend’s ex came home to Bohol.At first, he did not tell me about it.I just found out through my instincts and then he admitted.There were changes – he did not send me messages frequently as he used to, he didn’t reply to my messages sometimes, etc.There was a point when he did not want me to contact him.Either he turned off his cell phone, or just let it rang and rang until I got tired of waiting.One night when we talked, he told me he was confused.It was that conversation that made me regret everything I did for him – like choosing him over my friend.But it was also that conversation that made me realize I loved him so much, and that losing him was a part I could never imagine.I cried and cried for many nights, until I finally got over myself and encouraged my heart to accept things, let go, and move on.I prayed to God for strength.So one night, I sent him a message saying he was free and I totally understand.If he really loved his ex, then he should be with her.He replied to me, thanking me for understanding him.I no longer replied, I just cried and realized I really had to work hard on moving on.

I started to get really along well with my friend.He helped me got through everything.Eventually, my feelings for him came back.But I told him it was not easy to forget my boyfriend.He understood perfectly and just offered his love and sacrifice.He even gave me some surprises – things or actions I did not experience with my (ex)boyfriend.Just when I thought that I was starting to move on, my (ex)boyfriend called.He asked me to call him – which I did immediately.He was with her when we talked.I felt so hurt.When he asked me if I was doing fine, I told him yes.I even blurted out that I have a new boyfriend (my friend), the one I told him about before.Much even worse, he congratulated me!And that was it.The call ended.Later that afternoon, my cell phone rang.It was my (ex)boyfriend again.He was crying and I didn’t understand why!I asked him.I thought the girl did something to hurt him.But no.He told me he was hurt when he knew I was going out with someone new.He even asked me why didn’t I wait for him.He was just confused.I was so angry that I told him I was not stupid enough to wait for nothing.But then, something he said hit me right through my heart.He told me that I kept on pushing him away before and that his ex came and offered exactly the opposite attention I gave him, that’s why he got confused.And that time, all he did was cry and cry.I could not even continue the call and just asked my girl condo mate to talk to him.He was in tears, I was in tears.We were both crying for the actions we both made.We both made that decision.And it was quite late for both of us to get back together – we were both committed to other people.

To make the story short, we got back together.It was a complicated reunion.It was not something to pride about, but we were still attached to our respective boyfriend and girlfriend when that happened.We both decided to end our respective commitments to the other parties involved and start something new.It was a difficult step in our lives.I admit, I had a difficult time forgetting everything that happened.I reached to a point where I had second thoughts on giving us another chance.But then, my old boyfriend was back.He was determined to make everything work.He was determined for our lost love to be renewed.I saw the effort and prayed to God for help.I had my share of mistakes in our relationship.So I had to prove my love again.We both had to work things out.

Now, I don’t regret getting back with him.He’s no longer my boyfriend.He is now my husband.And I love him so much!I would never trade him for anybody in this world. He was the love of my life, and he still is the love of my life.I would never make the same mistake on pushing him away as I did before.My husband is now a part of me.And I would be a good and loving wife to him.I care for him dearly.As what we always say to each other, our love will last always and forever.God be with us.

Note to my husband: I am sorry for the past hurts.And if ever I say or do things that hurt you, please do not hesitate to call my attention.You know that I love you and I care for you so much.When I lost you, it was the hardest time in my life.Now that you are with me, I promise to never lose you again.Thank you for your love and devotion.Thank you for your patience.Thank you for your understanding.And most of all, thank you for loving me unconditionally and for making me feel more and more beautiful each day – even during my pregnancy.You are truly God’s gift for me. *mwah*

Note to the people reading this: Never take anyone for granted.Be always thankful to God for what you have.Learn to treasure the people around you.And before you do things which you are unsure of, make sure you have thought about it a thousand times.Remember, true love comes once in a lifetime.Don’t waste it.

Sometimes we close our eyes and just listen to the echoes of our hearts. We all fall in love and there are times that we love so much that we lose ourselves in our own emotions. More often than not, we wonder why there are love that grows and love that grows cold. We would start to search for answers and try to find where love has gone wrong. But in the end we find ourselves where we started. We cannot question love when it has its own reasons. Love will always be as it always has been. Silent, mysterious, and deeply profound. Many of us believe that love is forever. That love never dies, only to be disillusioned in the end when we find our hands empty and our hearts longing. We mistakenly have looked at love as need to be fulfilled. But love is only a gift given to us. We should not hold it in our hands for we may never find the strength to let it go when it decides to leave. We should only embrace its warmth and glow while it lasts and then freely open our hearts when it’s time to say goodbye. When we fall in love with someone, we don’t want that feeling to end for it is everything that we are and everything we wanted to be. We pray that love will stay and grow in our hearts. But if it doesn’t, then we should never let our lives be taken by it for life should not end where heartaches begin. There’s always a reason why we have to move on. When we have to say goodbye to the feelings we wanted to stay forever, let us not wave our hands with a heavy heart for love will have to set its wings free and find a place where it belongs. We may have lost it but then again, when we close our eyes and listen to the echoes of our hearts, we will hear that feeling resounding silently forever then we’ll know that it has never left us for the good we have become because of love will always stay. It will always be there reminding us that we should be thankful and happy not because we have lost love but because for once in our lives that feeling lived in our hearts and made us happy.

This story tells us something about LOVE & LIFE.

Note: I am not the author of the story.  A sis from Kerygma shared this.  I found it amusing so I’m sharing it to all of you. =)

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked.

“I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world !” I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: “What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right… It’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: “Here is the question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind.

Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?”

He said: ” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes….

My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but….please allow me to explain the reasons further…..

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

“When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand…and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face…

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die … “

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… And as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk…

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…

That’s LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form …

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… AND THAT’S LIFE.

A new command I give you: Love one another.As I have loved you, so you must love one another.By this, all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

– John 13:34-35

Jesus has made it clear that we should love one another.As Christians, we should learn how to be mindful of our surroundings, that includes the people around us.We do not only show love to those who love us but also to those who ‘don’t’.Love can be shown in so many different ways.But the perfect way to describe love is written in the Bible as well.

Love is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

– I Corinthians 13:4-7

That is love – the best way to define it.

Before, I thought that when you do something good and just be who you are, everybody would love you – no one would even care to hate you.But I was wrong.In life, there are instances where some would hate you, or even get jealous of you.However, that does not mean that you have to do the same to them too.As Christians, we should learn how to set aside our earthly feelings and focus on what Jesus taught us to do.That is to love one another.If someone needs our help, we should offer them a lending hand.If someone needs to share something, offer them your listening ears.If someone needs a shoulder to cry on, be willing to be there for them.Loving is not just about telling people you love them. It is about caring for them.It is about being aware of other people’s needs.It is about thinking what you could do to help them, not what they could do to help you.Jesus showed this kind of love by dying on the cross to save us.He is the epitome of love.

I would also like to share how my parents showed their love – not just to their children but also to other people.My parents are such loving people.They are always ready to help, even though you do not seek for them.I remember when I was still in my elementary days.I wonder why my parents were so eager to offer their help to people who were not their responsibility.Those days, I thought, what if these people would abuse their compassion.Even the mere thought of that got me mad.Nevertheless, I slowly understood them.As parents, they wanted their children to know the value of being a Christian – not just in words, but also in actions.Occasionally, they taught my brother and me how to live a Christian life.It does not mean one has to be poor and suffer in order to be one.Being a Christian means to love.Life in this world is just borrowed.Each of us has his/her own purpose.Life with a purpose gives us meaning.Having meaning gives us joy in living – and sharing this joy with others as well.

So what are you waiting for?Start now.Love.

God bless you all!

if you talk about experiences in life, i would say i have had a deal with them. name it, academics, extra-curricular activities, family, friends, spiritual life, love life, and just about anything in life. my life is really a wheel — i experienced being up there, i experienced being crushed at the bottom. yup. i did… but see, i’m back!.. and that’s all that matters.

it’s not really about what you are, your achievements, nor your position in society.  i experienced being on top of my classes, received honors, awards, scholarship, etc. but did they all make me happy? of course, they did. i would be such a hypocrite if i say they didn’t. but life is not all about happiness. it’s about joy. joy is different from happiness. happiness is external, while joy is internal. when trouble comes, you can’t say you’re happy… but you can say that amidst all the troubles and the challenges life can bring, you can still be joyful… and you can only say that when you walk with our Creator. who else?.. GOD..

i also experienced failure. from the top, i fell right at the bottom. it was really hard — i can say it was the darkest moment of my life. it was at that moment that i blamed people around me. but that was MY mistake. there was no one to blame but ME. i am in-charge of my own actions, and each action has its own reaction. due to my recklessness, i suffered the most painful consequences. i let my parents down, i let everyone who trusted me so much down… and most of all, i let myself down… and in letting myself down, i let God down. He created me to prosper. He gave me so much gifts, but i misused them. but hey, good thing there are people around to guide me. one of them is papa. i just admire his strong faith in God that i started to listen to him. i started to read what he asks me to read. and there! to make the story short, after all the downfall, i realized that there is so much in life to be joyful for — it’s the joy of being alive, being given a chance to live another day to correct my mistakes, to worship God, to be thankful for all the gifts… it’s the joy of having so much love, from family, friends, loved ones, and most especially from the Man up above. that’s why i’d rather have joy than just have happiness in my life. yup, everyone can be happy. but it takes so much to learn, to experience joy in our lives.

back when i was a reviewee, i offered everything to Him. i just know that He’s with me. you know what, i didn’t get here because of my wit, intelligence, nor knowledge. i got here because of our dear Lord — because of His faithfulness, His love, and His care for me. i am now a cpa, and i thank God for that! all the congratulations i received should be given to Him. i am nothing without Him. so Lord God, the glory all be yours!

life’s not about what you are in the world, what you can do, etc. it’s about who you are, whom your with, whom you’ve helped, whom you’ve touched… it’s about the person you are to God, not to anybody else’s perspective.

to all my friends who have always been there, maybe not always physically, i thank you very much. thank you for calling me up to know if i’m ok. thank you for visiting me to see if i’m doing fine.. and i very much thank you for always being there to catch me every time i fall. truly, all of you are God’s gifts to me. He knows i needed some people like you to survive, and indeed you were there.. you were all there.. you are all blessings in my life. i just wish, hope and pray, that i am also a blessing to all of you.

i just wanted to dedicate this to all my friends. it is the chorus from the song UMBRELLA:

“When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I’ll be here forever
Said I’ll always be a friend
Took an oath I’ma stick it out till the end
Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)”

mao ra pod to xa. God bless you all! *hugz*